Surprising Joy

Our ER Adventures

2012-01-30T06:48:00.000-06:00

When your baby needs surgery in the middle of the night, some things come into clear focus while others just blur right into background color.

On Wednesday afternoon, our youngest son broke an arm for the third time in his short life. Our other two boys have worn nary a cast, a fact of which I keep reminding myself as thoughts of a DCS investigation sporadically crawl across my mental ticker tape.

I saw it happen. After the last break on a neighbor's trampoline, our family had adopted a no-jumping-on-the-trampoline-without-an-adult policy. That's why when I went out onto the back deck to call the boys in for homework and dinner, I was surprised to see Chicken Little walking along the edge of the neighbor's trampoline. He's a literal thinker, that one, and he truly didn't realize he was breaking family law by doing this. When he heard me call, he flipped horizontally off the side of the plastic covered rail. For that one moment when he was suspended in air, he looked like a chicken on a spit--only there was no spit. Just air. And earth.

I knew it as soon as I saw the fall. I knew something would've broken. His scream confirmed it. I went tearing out the front door muttering under my breath, "No, no, no, no, no. O dear God, no, no." But as you now know, "Yes, yes, yes, yes" was more like it. So I called our in-house counsel to break the news. He cancelled his plans for the night and headed straight home. I scooped up the tiny wild man and headed to the local hospital. After four hours there, we headed to the less-local hospital--a first-rate children's hospital where we would patiently, very, very patiently wait for a surgeon to put pins in our baby's elbow and save those nerves running through the joint.

That surgery finally happened at 1:00 Thursday afternoon. We were home by 6:30 that night. What a twenty-four hours we'd had.

Never one to miss the opportunity to pontificate, I couldn't help noticing some things as the hour-hand made its way twice around the clock face.

First, our friends and family are of the five-star variety.

Second, prayers make a difference. When your child is in pain and danger and you have first-hand experience with a prayer-answering God, the first thing you do when you have a moment to do it is set the prayers in motion. E-mails, texts, and calls went out. Our family members. Our pastor and his wife. Our community groups. Our care group. The calls went out and the prayers went up.

Though the wait was long, and by long I mean LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG, every person who cared for us was top-notch. Every single nurse (I think I counted nine) was attentive, careful, and kind. The doctors were skilled and attentive, too. Coincidence? Think what you want, but I think not.

My neighbor Marcy came to spend the night with the older two and see them off that morning. My other neighbor, Julie, took Joshua to school, picked him up, and kept him until we got home last night. All through the day we were getting texts and calls. Dinners were lined up. My dear friend (and our pastor's wife) texted me at 8:30 a.m. to say she was on her way to the hospital because she didn't want me to be alone. Out of her bag came an abundance of tricks--stuffed animals, balloons, books. She stayed with us all day. Even when Daniel arrived with Sam, she stayed with Sam while Daniel and I went back with Jacob in the 14-and-up zone. I had no idea how much I needed someone there, but there she was.

A few hours later, our friend Barbara and our care group had dinners for the next five days lined up.

Meanwhile, nurses made over Jacob, and we all found comic relief in his comments. It turns out he's a little one-armed charmer.

When I finally got to my e-mail, I read messages from the Writing Mamas wishing us well and offering to help. GiGi already told me to shut it when I said I didn't need anything. See? That's the stuff that comes into focus when everything else goes blurry. All of the love in your life that waits patiently for the need to arise snaps to attention when you need it; it all comes rushing at you like white blood cells at work.

I look back at how smoothly everything went--all things considered. I look at how every need was met. Every prayer was answered. And you know the name of our surgeon? Dr. Lovejoy. I looked up at the ceiling and nodded. "I got the message," I said. "I hear you."

And now, I cannot tell you how glad I am to be home.

2011 the Highlights in Pictures

2012-01-01T11:10:00.000-06:00

Jacob turned 5. He looks underwhelmed by it all.

Sam and Joshua played basketball.

We celebrated Valentine's Day.

Space laundry came to our house.

We made the whole house a Star Wars set.

We took a Saturday field trip with favorite friends.

L to R: GiGi, Maggie, Brigid, Jen, Nick, Sam

We spent Spring Break with Granddaddy and Grandmama.

We played checkers at the Marbles Kids Museum in Raleigh.

We decorated a garden bed.

We recycled!

Joshua and I went on a date to the symphony and heard classical guitarists from Barcelona!

We saw Rio, and Jacob pretended to be Blu for weeks on end.

Abuelito gave Jacob a percussion lesson.

Abuelita helped the boys decorate eggs.

We whacked a pinata--the perfect activity for a family of boys!

We ate raspas (Mexican snowcones) in Brownsville.

Here is Jacob enoying a raspa with his beautiful tia.

I launched a new blog! It was a very, tiny launch.

Jacob graduated from preschool.

I got a new camera for Mother's Day. I dream of learning to use it.

We planted a garden, which would be in focus if I knew how to use my camera.

We went to Chattanooga and visited the aquarium.

How gorgeous are these men of mine? Somebody fan me.

We celebrated Daniel's birthday with a surprise weekend visit from friends. We went swimming, grilled out, heard live music at Centennial Park, and ate at a Brazilian steak house, yet we have only this photo of the boys playing with Legos.

We had Anne Ortlund in our home when she visited our discipleship group one week.What a privilege! I took a picture.

We played laser tag.

Sam turned 11 and celebrated with his friends.

I enjoyed a luxurious girls' night at the Opryland Hotel as we celebrated my BFF Stephanie's birthday!

Jessica, Stephanie, Jen

Joshua turned 9!

There was swimming to be done.

And candles to be blown. And birthday hats to be worn.

We went to the beach.

We took a picture with an ice cream cone. Because why wouldn't you? It's a huge ice cream cone.

We took a beach family photo. (My mom is cute.)

We had all of our wood floors redone, and then nine days later the water line to our refrigerator exploded. It was awesome.

Jacob started kindergarten, and Joshua returned to our local school

as a fourth grader after two years of homeschooling.

Sam started his third year of homeschooling. I can't believe he's in fifth grade.

We took a field trip to Safe Haven Family Shelter.

We watched tadpoles become teeny, tiny little frogs.

(Thank you Jessica and GiGi!)

We attended an award ceremony when Jacob and Joshua were both selected from their class to receive a character award for exemplifying "Respect." We are so proud of them!

I spoke at our women's retreat and was refreshed by the time away and the fabulous women of Immanuel Church.

Joshua performed "Ghost of John" at his Halloween play-in.

We lived at the Residence Inn for a week while our floors were refinished. Again.

We celebrated Halloween with friends.

L to R: Joshua, Mathilde, Andy, Jacob, Ethan, Sam, Nick

I hiked for the homeless with Cora, Brigid, Liz, and Barbara!

We celebrated Mom's birthday in N.C. with my brother Scott and my niece Heather.

(Hi Skip! Hi Heather!)

We gave thanks for this turkey at Mom's. It was gooooooooood.

We also gave thanks for family.

Mom, Terri (my sister), Scott

Dad got a Macbook Pro and e-mailed his first digital photo.

This is my dad (L) and my Uncle Charlie, who still skydives and base jumps. For real.

We welcomed another Christmas season and decorated another tree.

We spiced up our Mexican nativity sets with Lego figures.

Joshua read and twisted his hair while the rest of us decorated the tree.

I didn't mind.

SMOOCH! SMOOCH! SMOOCH!

The Cortezes arrived from Texas with suitcases full of food.

I took photos so you could see for yourself.

Tio Milo helped the boys build model airplanes. Joshua tried a new hairdo.

Santa came!

He brought books, as always.

Okay, okay. He also brought video games.

Jacob showed off his yoga poses for Tia Claudia.

Our Christmas Amaryllis bloomed. And it's a new year.

Happy New Year!

Advent Conspiracy-Solve The World's Water Crisis

2011-12-23T15:10:00.000-06:00

From Forbes Online Magazine

What Does Love Look Like?

2011-12-19T08:28:00.000-06:00

Any mama knows that raising up children requires you to dig deep, to stretch far, to be more than you are. Sometimes you feel like a rubber band that's stretched to the point of breaking. This morning, I plopped down on the sofa with my coffee, and opened to today's reading:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. I Corinthians 13:1-8

I so needed that.

Am I Crazy or Is This Hilarious?

2011-12-16T06:14:00.000-06:00

If you can hang on until the end, it gets better. Thanks to my friend Cora for the link!

One of Those Weeks

2011-12-14T10:44:00.000-06:00

You know, in spite of all the clear and positive thinking one can muster, some days just feel like gravel in the mouth. Sometimes what you know means neither diddly nor squat because your feelings are following you around the house screaming like a banshee. I'd like to crawl into bed and stay there for a day or ten.

Anne Lamott says we should treat ourselves with kindness like we would treat a dear, old relative. I'm going to try to do that today instead of demanding so much from myself every waking moment. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. All together now ...

Time for Christmas Treats

2011-12-08T12:35:00.000-06:00

These Salted Caramel Chocolate Clusters from The Small Things Blog look A. Maze. Ing. Have mercy. I'm going to make these this week--then I'm going to give them all away so I don't have to move up two jean sizes by Christmas.

Then again, I wonder how many I could eat a day if I only ate these as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'll bet there are all kinds of antioxidants in that dark chocolate. And nuts are full of nutrition; everybody knows that. Hmmm. Food for thought, right? Anybody want to try this diet with me?

Breakfast with Boys

2011-12-07T06:34:00.000-06:00

Lewis on Joy, Power, Peace, and Eternal Life

2011-12-05T12:48:00.000-06:00

"Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them. They are not a sort of prizes which God could, if He chose, just hand out to anyone. They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very centre of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not, you will remain dry. Once a man is united to God, how could he not live forever? Once a man is separated from God, what can he do but wither and die?"
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p. 151

Family Photo

2011-11-29T08:44:00.000-06:00

Jen, Mom, Terri, Scott

I'm having a love wave just looking at them!

One Thousand Gifts--An Incomplete Review

2011-11-24T16:26:00.000-06:00

Time in North Carolina always lends itself to reflection. I look around at the town that served as a greenhouse for me, a sheltered place to grow. The tall pines and oaks have dropped most of their leaves and acorns, and the earthy fragrance of autumn rises up to meet me here. There's more time to read and think, to escape. I retreat into books.

The one I'm reading now, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, is a strangely wonderful little find. Sometimes I can only read a couple of pages, the words weighing heavy and needing time to sit.

The language can be flowery here and there, like too much perfume. I signed up to read prose, not poetry, I think. Then out of nowhere--wham!--she nails a truth with bulls-eye accuracy, splitting the shaft of the arrow that landed before. One arrow after another lands in the dead center, and I just have to set the book down for a while. Think a bit.

Here's a sample for you:

" 'I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing. ... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.' ... In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear" (65-66).

Well, crawl into my life and shout it through a megaphone, won't you? I have a feeling I'll have grown a smidge by the time I've finished this book. We'll see.

What Kind of God Is This?

2011-11-21T08:01:00.000-06:00

(Written Thursday, November 17)
This morning I'm sitting on the sofa, candle lit, dog snoring. It's the sweetest time of my day, the time before everyone wakes. This is the time when I'm reminded of how deeply loved I am. I need reminding every single morning. The monotony of life drains me, leaving me like a car with no gasoline. This sofa is where the daily re-fueling begins.

Reading through the Bible again this year, I've slowed down to savor the gospels. They're particularly sweet this time through. And oh, the Book of John. This letter. This inside eyewitness account. This ancient manuscript whispering to me through the years. What strikes me most is the tender heart of Jesus. All of those miracles poured out and not one for himself. All of that serving. Crowds following demanding signs. The sick and unclean pressing against him. The church leaders threatening death. Yet even in his final hours I find him there giving, giving, giving.

Look at how he speaks to his disciples:

"Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you" (John 13:12-15).

He kneels down, takes their tired, swollen, dusty feet in his hands and washes them clean. There's your example, he says. Now it's your turn. Treat others this way. What in the world is he doing?

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34-35).

His commandment to them? Love one another. This is to be their defining quality. Love poured out on the edgy, selfish, defensive, grumbly people around them; trickling out from their own edgy, selfish, defensive, grumbly hearts. Not power. Not wisdom. Love.

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me" (John 14:1).

Don't be anxious, he tells them. Trust God. Trust me. Look in my eyes. Look at me. Don't look at anything else. Believe me.

"Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid" (John 14:27).

Shhhhh. You're safe. I'm right here.

The kindness of Jesus almost makes my heart burst. I can't take it all in; it's too much, like looking at the sun, like drinking from a fire hydrant.

You see, by John 14, Judas has already slipped out and made the deal. A crowd of armed men is on the way. Judas is bringing them, giving up the wanted man's location. Jesus knows this. His gruesome, agonizing, flesh-ripping death is hours away, and what is he doing? Not running. Not hiding. He's tending to the hearts of those who love him, tending to their weak, doubtful, bet-hedging hearts. He's comforting them. He's preparing them. What grace. What kindness.

What kind of god is this? What diety pours himself out like this, humbles himself like this, is tender-hearted like this? I only know a hint of him, but I'll forever chase the mystery. This hint of him is nowhere near enough. No, it's not even close.

More Reasons to Give Thanks-In No Particular Order

2011-11-10T11:08:00.001-06:00

8. Dogs snoring
9. Laundry humming
10. Early morning stars
11. Christ--my refuge
12. Angry lips that stay closed
13. Seat warmers in cold cars
14. Children singing praise
15. A full pantry
16. A stranger's kind smile
17. Little hands that hang clothes neatly just to make mama happy
18. Boys sitting on branches
19. Broken-in boots
20. Clean countertops
21. A checkbook balanced to the penny
22. Sun on the front porch steps
23. Leaves swirling in the wind
24. Breezes through window screens
25. Children laughing as they file out of the school building
26. Picnics on the front lawn
27. Hot chocolate with marshmallows
28. Afternoon phone calls from my handsome attorney
29. Little voices reading aloud
30. Bright red maple trees
31. Vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, and chopped peanuts
32. Old barns with rusty, tin roofs
33. "Yes ma'am"
34. Flowers on front porches
35. Wreaths tied with ribbons
36. Big, brown eyes following notes on a staff
37. Red wine in a clear glass
38. Falling asleep in my husband's arms
39. Every morning's sleepy-faced hello kiss
40. "How can I help?"
41. Iced vanilla lattes at 3:00 p.m.

A Month of Gratitude

2011-11-06T16:55:00.000-06:00

I'm reading what may very well turn out to be a life-changing book: One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. It has challenged me to replace the low hum of discontentment in my soul with gratitude and thanksgiving, with eucharisteo. I'm so in.

I find that true joy almost always surprises me. I find it in unexpected places, in unexpected forms, in unexpected degrees of strength. It appears on the scene like a flash of lightning. You can't hold on to it or predict it or tame it. You can't make it last. You can't summon it at will. It brightens things for a moment. It gives you clarity, lucidity, a hint of the vastness of all that you long for, a hint that there's satisfaction for that longing.

I know joy comes from a source outside of me, because I could never dream up the ways it shows up in my life.

I've decided to use this month to put words on the thoughts and feelings of joy. To name them. To clothe them and make them visible. I don't know the number I'll reach, but here we go.

1. Sun-dappled autumn leaves

2. Little fingers on guitar strings

3. My husband's arm draped over my shoulder

4. Leaves crunching underfoot

5. A seat on a sun-warmed sofa

6. Soft slippers on cold toes

7. Hot coffee on a dark morning

There's a start.

Use It Or Lose It

2011-11-02T19:08:00.000-05:00

Do you ever think about why you're here? On the planet? Do you ever think about your specific gifts and evaluate how well you're using them?

I've been thinking about this lately. One thing that helps me figure out what I should be doing is figuring out what I shouldn't be doing. I can identify these time-wasters pretty easily. If I despise doing it, it's probably not one of my gifts.

For example, I abhor volunteering for classroom holiday parties. Seriously. I'd rather have minor surgery. If you ask me to help plan a classroom party, my eyes will roll back in my head and you'll only see white between my fluttering lashes. It will probably creep you out. I cannot bear being in a small space surrounded on every side by loud, confused people all trying to get by me, pressing into me, bumping me, talking to me. I need a glass of chardonnay just thinking about it, a large, full glass. I'm not a classroom party mom. I send in napkins and plates.

I am not a couponer or a best-deal-getter. I occasionally have a personal victory and remember to use a coupon, but usually I just shop at Walmart. I figure if I'm willing to buy groceries at Walmart, it excuses me from having to keep up with coupons. Furthermore, buying something at full price doesn't cause me any pain whatsoever. It might cause my husband pain to read this, but this is the cold, hard truth. Let's all embrace it.

I'm not a sports mom. I pretty much hate running around outside; therefore, I don't force my children to do it. The end.

But ...

I love to write.
I love to play the guitar.
I love to read and study and learn and teach.
I love to clean and organize.
I love to invest in younger women.
I love to plant things and watch them grow.
I'm passionate about God and all things related to him.
I'm passionate about making my home a refuge for my family and all who come here.

I'm pretty sure these are some of the things I'm supposed to use to love on those around me and make my little spot of earth better. What's more, it's a joy to do it. I'm just glad some moms find joy in planning classroom parties. I give serious thanks for those moms.

Plan and Flex

2011-10-19T06:19:00.000-05:00

You know that lovely menu I planned yesterday? Well, a family can also feel loved if you swing by Costco at 5:45 and pick up a ready-made dinner, which is what I did yesterday.

Ah, well.

This Week's Dinner Menu

2011-10-18T07:33:00.000-05:00

If you're interested, here's what we're having for dinner this week:

Chinese Pork & Cauliflower, Egg Rolls, Pot Stickers
Tacos, Rice & Refried Beans
Peppered Chicken, Steamed Vegetables, Whole Wheat Angel Hair Pasta
Soy Sauce Salmon, Brown Rice, Spinach Salad w/ Water Chestnuts, Baby Corn & Ginger Vinaigrette

If you'd like any of the recipes, just leave a comment. I don't love to cook, but I know my family feels cared for when I prepare a meal they really enjoy. That I do love.

What makes your family feel loved?

25 Ways To Wear A Scarf

2011-10-17T07:01:00.000-05:00

HT: Meghan Fenlaw! Smooches!

A Much Needed Retreat

2011-10-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I've been missing in action over here! There's been much to tell and no time to tell it. I spent last weekend with some of the most wonderful women on the planet. Here are a few photos from our time together.

Is anything better than an autumn afternoon? Maybe sunset. Maybe.

Missy, Meghan, me, Lauren

Meghan and Robin during the photography workshop Robin led.

Megan, Jani, Jen, Shi, Danielle

This is my discipleship group from last year, but we're missing Hilary and Kelly!

I got to spend every Wednesday evening last year with these amazing women. What a gift.

Immanuel Young Women's Community Group

We missed everyone who couldn't make it to the retreat!

L to R: Meghan, Jenny, Lauren, Haley, Lora, Melinda, me

Jen & Missy

Sitting around the bonfire

Early morning quiet time

Mary Karr Talks About Faith

2011-10-01T13:03:00.001-05:00

My dear friend Suzanne shared this podcast with me a couple of weeks ago. I've finally had a chance to listen to it, and now I'd like to share it with you. It's an interview with Mary Karr (a brilliant writer) who went from agnosticism to faith. I find her story fascinating. Click here to listen.

Thank You!

2011-09-24T06:15:00.000-05:00

Today I logged on to find this site has 100 followers! I've been watching the number creep up, one by one, for a while now. I've been holding my breath, hoping for 100. I could act like I don't care, like it doesn't matter to me if anyone likes what I write, but I do. And it does. So thank you.

My Favorite Things About Late September

2011-09-22T14:17:00.000-05:00

1. Cool mornings.

2. Lavender sunsets.

3. Crickets and birds chirping together.

4. White sunlight.

5. Open windows.

6. Children laughing in the backyard after school.

7. Pumpkins on front porches.

8. Geraniums still lingering on my own front porch.

9. Strumming my guitar on the back deck.

10. The sound of drums at football games.

11. The nostalgia this time of year always brings.

Bittersweet Mercies

2011-09-16T06:22:00.003-05:00

This morning I read a poem by John Newton who lived from 1725 to 1807. (How did you get in my head, John Newton?) I could've written this poem. Well, I could've written it if I'd had the talent. And I wouldn't have used the same words. I mean, you don't call yourself a worm in the 21st century. I guess what I'm trying to say is I have been experiencing the very same things this poet describes.

I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith and love and every grace,

Might more of his salvation know

And seek more earnestly his face.

'Twas he who taught me thus to pray

And he, I trust, has answered prayer.

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour

At once he'd answer my request,

And by his love's constraining power

Subdue my sins and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart,

And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried,

"Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?"

"'Tis in this way," the Lord replied,

"I answer prayer for grace and faith."

"These inward trials I employ

From self and pride to set thee free

And break thy schemes of earthly joy,

That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

I cling to lots of things for security--predictability, order, my children's success, my performance as a mother, my own emotional stability. As long as those things are in place, I think they're holding me up. Take them away, and I realize they've never been supporting me in the first place. It's a sweet, sweet thing to understand this truth.

"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 3:27

One Strategy to Keep Your Kids From Fighting

2011-09-13T13:31:00.000-05:00

I share one of my peace-keeping strategies today at Nashville Parent. If your kids don't fight, don't bother with this post, and give me the link to your blog. Thank you.

You're Not The Boss of Me! (You Wish)

2011-09-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

Today at The High-Heeled Homeschooler I show the price you pay for being the boss. In short, sometimes people don't like you. And really, they should.

What To Do With Those Box Tops?

2011-09-02T06:17:00.000-05:00

I tell you my easy storage solution today at the High-Heeled Homeschooler.

I Have A New Blog!

2011-09-01T10:27:00.000-05:00

I have a new blog to keep you posted (sorry, couldn't resist) on all of our educational exploits. New content is now available: The High-Heeled Homeschooler.

What do you think?

I Want to Be Like Katie When I Grow Up

2011-08-25T14:40:00.000-05:00

There I Am and Love To Be

2011-08-24T13:29:00.001-05:00

Friends, it has been a difficult month.

Jacob has had many doctor's appointments. We have few answers and lots of questions regarding that precious boy. He and his brothers have started school, each at different times. I'm still homeschooling Sam. The house has been under construction and will be again soon, thanks to some recent indoor flooding. They could've filmed A River Runs Through It in our crawl space about a week ago. Now we'll have to move out of our house for the second time in a month. None of these things are life-or-death matters, but they've certainly disrupted the order of my home, and you know how I value order.

I'm learning in experience what I've long known in theory: everything in this world is temporary. It's fading like summer grass. It's foolish to hold firmly to anything here--even my self, my health. I'm learning to love fiercely and freely with open hands. I'm learning to be at peace in the midst of chaos. It's not an easy lesson, I'm afraid.

This morning I thought about Sarah Edwards, a personal hero from the eighteenth century, and how she dealt with hardship. She lost her home, her financial security, her status. She lost children. She lost her her husband, Jonathan, to small pox, which he contracted from the then-new vaccine. Upon his death she wrote this letter to one of their daughters:

My very dear child,

What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands on our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had him so long. But my God lives; and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left to us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be.

Your ever affectionate mother,

Sarah Edwards

I feel God near in my circumstances. He has allowed every detail. Nothing gets by him. I know him, and I know his kindness. His decisions are never arbitrary; the whole of Scripture shows this. I'll just keep walking wherever he leads. He has my heart. There I am and love to be.

Vacay Pics

2011-08-15T08:52:00.000-05:00

So much has happened in the last two weeks that I've fallen behind on my blogging. (Sorry, TLW!) And since I'm busy today packing lunches, planning lessons, and trying to squeeze in a workout, I shall post some favorite pictures from our vacation.

Could I be surrounded by cuter guys? I think not.

Jacob's not too sure about this.

I love this kid.

Love, love, love.

I know. His DNA is dominant.

Future in the NBA? Could be.

We love Whataburger, so to commemorate our visit, I chose to stand in the most awkward position imaginable. And some shadow behind my head is making me look even more awkward. Photos keep me humble.

Relaxing at the beach house.

Sweet.

And that ice cream only cost $83.42.

Now you know why I'm so cute. My mom's cute.

This photo seemed like a good idea to me at the time.

Thank you kind passerby.

That's a wrap.

Made It

2011-07-31T07:45:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm sitting on a barstool in a house at the beach. Steam is rising from my black coffee. The only sound is the whir of the air conditioner. Soon little feet will pad up the stairs, and I'll begin doling out bowls of cereal and glasses of orange juice. Then I'll pack a cooler and we'll head to the beach to build sandcastles.

Oh happy day.

Status Update

2011-07-27T22:04:00.002-05:00

I. Am. Tired.

Freecycle

2011-07-23T15:45:00.001-05:00

You want it? You got it.

Pictures, this, that ...

Mirror, large picture of an iris ...

Very heavy wrought iron wall hanging ...

Pottery Barn duck shower curtain, bath mat ...

Valance

Custom shower curtain

If you can use any of this and can pick it up before next Friday, it's yours!

Multiplication Can Be Fun

2011-07-22T06:59:00.001-05:00

If you've got five minutes and four dollars, I've got the game for you. Read the rest of this post at Nashville Parent. (If you really want to show some love, leave a comment!)

2011-07-21T10:05:00.001-05:00

HT: GiGi Rose

Monogramming by Joshua

2011-07-14T09:13:00.000-05:00

Me: "Jacob, would you like your new lunchbox to say 'Jacob' or 'Jacob D'?"

Joshua: "Make it say, 'I'm the awesome-est kid in the world! My name is JACOB!!!!'"

Well, he is pretty awesome.

Of Course I Would Like This One

2011-07-13T22:19:00.000-05:00

We're updating our guest bathroom. I love this vanity from Restoration Hardware. Anyone know how to make it cost about ten times less? That would be helpful.

An Excerpt From My Current Read

2011-07-10T07:31:00.000-05:00

"What are you, O Lord, what are you? How shall my heart think of you? Certainly you are life, you are wisdom, you are truth, you are goodness, you are blessedness, you are eternity, and you are every true good. But these are many, and my narrow understanding cannot take in so much in a single glance and take delight in all at once." --Anselm, ca. 1033-1109

(As quoted in A Passion for God by Ray Ortlund, Jr., p. 37)

Train Up a Child

2011-07-07T07:30:00.001-05:00

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

This morning as I was reading in the book of Proverbs, I came across this familiar verse. It made me think about the ways I'm training our children. These boys don't miss a thing. They know full well the things I value. The question is: Do I value the right things?

Am I showing them a wife who loves her husband and treats him with respect? I want them to choose a spouse who will love them and treat them with respect. Will they know what to look for?

Am I showing them that they are more important than things? Do I overreact when they break or spill something?

Am I training them to be honest? To love others? To be kind? To work diligently? To keep their word? To seek wisdom? To think critically? To treat others with respect? To choose friends carefully? To behave responsibly?

Am I training them to earn approval by performing well or do they know they are irrevocably accepted just because they're in this family?

Am I training them to seek their joy and freedom and pleasure in God or in things that will ultimately disappoint them?

I know that my words do matter, but what they're really watching is how I live. They see what I value. They see what matters most to me. I pray for a heart that is moving in the right direction because three little hearts are following along behind.

Meal Planning Again

2011-07-02T12:29:00.000-05:00

Saturday is my meal-planning-grocery-shopping day. Today I'm trying out this template for meal planning. Jotting down my ideas for the week really does make life easier on the weekdays. Do you have any online lists or planning tips to share?

Writing Helps Us Heal

2011-06-30T06:59:00.000-05:00

My friend Anne sent this intriguing article my way yesterday; it's about the healing powers of writing. Check it out here.

Worth A Thousand Words

2011-06-29T08:14:00.000-05:00

Dad and me, Christmas 1975

My dad always said I could be anything I wanted to be.

He always welcomed my "help."

He warned me about the wrong kind of boys.

He warned me about riding in the elevator alone and walking alone at night.

He sent me into adulthood with no debt.

He always made me feel like he was the luckiest man alive because I was his daughter.

Thanks, Dad. I love you.

George Washington on How to Go Far in Life

2011-06-28T16:46:00.000-05:00

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." --George Washington

It Just Isn't There

2011-06-26T21:23:00.000-05:00

This post from Ray Ortlund made me think about good and evil in a new way. Don't you just love it when you see something a little more clearly than you did before?

When Should Your Child Begin Music Lessons?

2011-06-22T08:41:00.001-05:00

I enjoyed this morning's post from Simple Homeschool about children and music.

Sam and Joshua both began taking guitar lessons at age 8. Sam plays the acoustic guitar; Joshua plays classical. I consider learning an instrument a vital part of our boys' education. Granted, I value sports less than other moms I know. The boys play basketball every winter, and they take the occasional swimming class or golf clinic. Maybe when they're older, their own interests will be a bit more apparent, and we can support those more fully. In the meantime, few things bring me more joy than hearing beautiful music drifting through the house and knowing it's coming from one of our children. And if that means I have to listen to "There's a Zombie on Your Lawn" blaring from their video games from time to time, well I can live with that.

An Excerpt from My Current Read

2011-06-14T09:27:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm reading Every Last One by Anna Quindlen. I'm almost at the end of the book. I rarely know what I think of a book until I've finished it, and the same is true of this one. It will have been worth every page read, though, just to have read this today:

"'You must stop thanking me,' Olivia had said to me one day. 'Do you have any notion of what a loose end I was at before I met you?' A loose end--that's what we women call it, when we are overwhelmed by the care of small children, the weight of small tasks, a life in which we fall into bed at the end of the day exhausted from being all things to all people."

Beautiful. And true.

Need a Reason to Nap?

2011-06-10T06:46:00.002-05:00

Search no more. Here it is.

Handwriting Practice for the Summer

2011-06-08T08:28:00.000-05:00

Today at Nashville Parent, I tell you all about our summer handwriting practice. I'll show you the resources we use and how easy and entertaining it can be. Check it out here!

Happy Anniversary

2011-06-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

Thirteen years ago today, I married the love of my life. I love him more today than I did on that drizzly Saturday in 1998.

Taking two lives and weaving them into one isn't a simple thing, and putting another's needs ahead of your own doesn't come naturally. Daniel has been putting my needs ahead of his for thirteen years now.

Now I'd like to thank this good-looking man for just a few things. Thank you, in no particular order, for:

Making the bed (with all 10 pillows) every day
Carrying my laundry baskets to the laundry room three times a week
Putting away our folded clothes
Reading to Jacob every night
Cleaning the dishes after every meal
Unloading the dishwasher almost every morning
Recording TV shows you think I might like
Kissing me goodbye every time you leave the house
Kissing me hello every time you return
Opening my car door
Discussing the ubiquitous question: Bangs or no bangs?
Leaving me sweet notes when I need them most
Serving our church faithfully
Setting up the children's college accounts
Setting up our retirement accounts
Driving an 11-year-old car so I can drive a new van
Not making me feel guilty when I scraped the fender of aforementioned van
Requiring the boys to speak respectfully to me
Praying for me faithfully
Giving me good advice, but only when I ask for it
Noticing when I clean a closet or the fridge
Noticing when I put extra effort into a meal
Supporting me in homeschooling
Supporting me when I decided to stop homeschooling (two of the boys)
Changing the oil and checking the tires before every road trip
Respecting my opinion and taking my advice to heart
Filling my gas tank almost every week
Picking up whatever I need from the store on your way home from work
Overlooking my faults
Loving me with all of your heart, which seems to grow bigger with time.

It's almost embarrassing how much I love you. Happy Anniversary.

Should We Be Busy Every Moment of the Day?

2011-06-03T07:19:00.000-05:00

"The bow cannot be always bent without fear of breaking. Repose is as needful to the mind as sleep is to the body. Rest time is not waste time. It is economy to gather fresh strength." C.H. Spurgeon

A Word for the Wise

2011-05-31T15:42:00.002-05:00

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of." --Benjamin Franklin

Today's To-Do List

2011-05-28T07:57:00.001-05:00

What-I-Consider-To-Be-My-Very-Reasonable-To-Do-List-For-The-Day

Walk two miles
Plan meals for the week
Finish the laundry
Walmart
Ethan Allen (We're working on a home office/library.)
Haverty's
Lowe's (I guess I'll finally replace those pansies now that it's almost June.)
Prepare lunch for friends who are joining us after church tomorrow
Drop off books at the library

The-List-Of-What-I-Will-Actually-Do-Today
Answer all of the children's questions
Mediate their countless disagreements
Bandage the inevitable scrapes and various injuries that will happen
Feed my people and their friends who will drop by unexpectedly
Waste time on the computer. Ahem. I'd better wrap this up.

Right now, at this moment, I am choosing to embrace the discrepancy between what I have planned and what will actually happen today. I am accepting the inevitable.

EVERYTHING ON MY TO-DO LIST WILL NOT GET DONE. It won't. Will. Not.

Alright then. Off I go.

Free Fun in Nashville This Weekend

2011-05-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

If you're in the Nashville area, I've got your free ticket to family fun right here. Check out my post at Bringing Up Nashville today for all the details!

Sunday Morning in Our Backyard

2011-05-22T07:18:00.000-05:00

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo Today!

2011-05-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

If you're looking for free cultural entertainment today, come celebrate at the Cinco de Mayo Festival with us! Since we tend to have torrential rain in early May here in Middle Tennessee, the festival is now being held in late May. It will be from 12:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. at Harlinsdale Farm on Franklin Road (across from the Factory) in Franklin.

Daniel and I will be volunteering at the Mustard Seed Preschool booth from 3:00-4:00, so come see us!

A Teacher's Gift Idea

2011-05-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

Still in the market for teacher's gifts? If you have 12 teachers between your kids like I do, here's an idea. I got everything you see here at Target.

You'll need:

Decorative boxes from the dollar bin
Cellophane (gift wrap department)
Curling ribbon (gift wrap department)
Tissue paper (if you guessed "gift wrap department," you're on it today)
Chocolates (I chose Turtles and Dove)
Nail polish in a fun summer color
Nail buffing block

I think I spent about $11 per gift. Math is not my strong suit, and I'd rather drink coffee than calculate the total. I did splurge on Essie nail polish, so you could certainly spend less. Here's the play-by-play:

Here's what you need ...

Add tissue paper ...

Place your goodies ...

Add more chocolate (which I hadn't done yet) ...

Wrap it. Ribbon it.

Add cards and deliver.

What are your favorite gifts for teachers?

Do You Ever Feel Like This?

2011-05-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

Today I feel like all I'm doing is making people do things they don't want to do.

Brush your teeth.
Comb your hair.
Do your work.
Do it again, and follow directions this time.
Pick up those toys.
Clear your place.
Take your allergy medicine.
Moving it doesn't mean you picked it up. Pick. It. Up. Put. It. Away.
Put down the golf club.
Get off the outdoor trash can.
Go get what you threw.
Put it in the trash. The whole house is not a trash can, you know.
Close the door.
Wipe your mouth.

I'll stop now.

I'm Lovin' It

2011-05-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

A Brownsville Moment

Without Love We Are Absolutely Nothing

2011-05-16T06:26:00.001-05:00

I hear a lot of talk of the evil that's done in the name of religion. I understand. Many forms of hatred have masqueraded in in the robes of religion throughout history. I understand the point, but I disagree with the conclusion that often follows.

The implication is that a secular society would be more rational, more tolerant, better. But is that true? This 10 minute video takes a look at survivors of Ceausecu's Romania. I find it hard to believe that faith in a fictional God could withstand this kind of suffering or arrive at these conclusions. To be hated and not hate in return? Where does that kind of love come from? What do you think?

HT: Ray Ortlund

Menu Planner and Grocery List Template

2011-05-14T17:04:00.001-05:00

I'm trying this new grocery list template this week. I keep blank grocery lists in the cabinet beside the fridge. Every week I take one out and stick it on the fridge with a magnet. As we run out of goods, I add them to the list.

I'm also trying out a new weekly menu plan today. I plan my meals each weekend and finish out my grocery list before heading to the store.

While I'm sharing, my favorite food find of late has been this little jewel. They sell it at Costco in the freezer section.

Alright, now I have to actually make my list and go to the store. Happy grocery shopping!

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

2011-05-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

I've learned a lot in my almost 11 years as a mother.

For starters, I've learned that most of my preconceived ideas about motherhood were waaaaaaaay off. I consider myself to be a fairly rational person, but somehow I expected life with children to be straight from a TV commercial. I'm thinking especially of the one where the kid drops a huge cup of juice on a freshly mopped floor, and the mom tilts her head, smiles, and happily begins cleaning the mess with paper towels. You know what I think about that commercial now?

It's a lie from the devil. A lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

My life doesn't look like like that at all. The house is rarely in order between 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. Someone is always unhappy, but two or three unhappy folks would be more typical. There's bickering, fighting, grumbling, complaining. Life is orrrrrrdinary. Predictable. Routine.

Yet our lives are made of ordinary moments placed one on top of another. This is where the real work of love takes place. It's in the setting and clearing of the table, the picking up of socks, and the packing and unpacking of the backpacks. It's in wiping off whatever's sticky. It's in scraping toothpaste globs out of the sink. That's where the love is.

I'll miss the joy of motherhood if I expect every moment to be filled with chocolate and roses and magic paper towels. (Though chocolate never hurts. And if you find any of those narcotic paper towels, do let me know.)

Frankly, my life's work as a mother is trivialized by Hallmark commercials.

The hard labor doesn't stop once a child is born. That's just the beginning. Our mission as mothers is gritty and painful and difficult and wonderful and vitally important. When you have no energy left, but you manage a "That's okay, sweetheart," love takes root. When you've told your child something 1,000 times but you manage to say it again with a kind voice, that's the hard work of love. When you've finally stolen a moment for yourself, and you're willing to be interrupted, you're loving out loud.

So we blow it. So they blow it. That's all part of the deal.

Motherhood isn't glamorous, but it's worth fighting for. It's worth all of the strength and dignity and resilience it requires. We mothers stand guard over our children and the children of others, and we fiercely protect their right to grow in wisdom and stature and favor and love.

We pour ourselves out daily as an investment in the future. We give so they can take. We're the ones who teach them to give. We are tenderness and strength in its most beautiful form. Let's help each other stand firm in our calling. We'll have plenty of opportunities today to stand. Let them come.

A Mother's Day Poem

2011-05-05T06:36:00.000-05:00

On the wall of my office hangs a Mother's Day acrostic written by my sweet Sam when he was in second grade. I happen to love that somehow he worked the words "evil" and "revenge" into the piece. Mothering boys is a beautiful thing. So here's the poem:

Jennifer is her name loving me is her thing

Ever lasting love for me

Never is mean never is bad

Never is evil

Is always a nice mother

Fantasy is not her thing

Ever lasting feeling for me

R is for revenge which she doesn't like

Backyard Garden

2011-05-04T07:18:00.001-05:00

At last we have a garden, tiny though it may be. We ordered our raised bed throught the Gardener's Supply Company. It couldn't have been easier!

Painting the grow bed before assembly

Oh the endless possibilities ...

Joshua shared his side with our friend Andy

Could Jacob be the next Kandinsky? Maybe.

Two lonely strawberry plants. We've since added carrots, broccoli, and tomato plants.

Can you dig it?

I'm so happy about this. You have no idea.

Preschool Vocabulary Lessons with Jacob

2011-04-28T14:30:00.001-05:00

"You know that thing that's like a Band Aid that's created by our blood vessels? What is it? A 'scab? I have one of those right here."

Thank you, Mr. Webster. I'll never look at a Band Aid the same way again.

Vacation Detour

2011-04-22T09:25:00.000-05:00

The ER at Valley Baptist Hospital wasn't on our vacation agenda, but we made room for it. Jacob tested the strength of a granite countertop with his forehead and found it lacked nothing. Poor baby. So we loaded our bags and headed to the ER. I was sure he would need a stitch or two, but the nurse was able to glue the cut back together.

When Joshua had his chin glued a few years ago, I passed out--fell right on top of the kid. This time I knew to look away and think happy thoughts. Now our little man is as good as new, dancing to cumbias and putting away tostadas with the best of them. I'm so grateful that what could've been a serious injury was just a blip on the screen of our first day here. I'm very, very grateful.

Be Glad Your Nose is on Your Face

2011-04-14T05:58:00.000-05:00

Gotta have this book.

Can You Spot a True Christian?

2011-04-12T06:54:00.000-05:00

Here in the Bible Belt, we have a lot of churches. A lot of churches. Not all Christian churches are filled with Christians, though. This can be confusing.

How can you tell who's a Christian and who isn't? Scripture teaches that there are some things you can look for. No one has this mastered--least of all me--but there's a trajectory the Christian is following. Here are some bullet points I pulled from Romans 12:9-21 this morning:

Our love for others is genuine, not self-serving or fake
We abhor evil
We hold tightly to what is good
We love one another with brotherly/sisterly affection
We outdo each other in showing honor
We're strong and fervent in spirit, not lazy or apathetic
We serve the Lord in every area of life
We rejoice in hope
We're patient in tribulation
We're constant in prayer
We contribute to the needs of others, especially those who have needs within the Church
We look for ways to show hospitality and care for others
We bless those who hurt us; we bless and do not curse them
We rejoice with those who rejoice
We weep with those who weep
We live in harmony with one another
We're not haughty or conceited
We don't repay evil for evil, but do good to those who harm us
We give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all
We live peaceably with all, so far as it depends on us
We're not overcome by evil; we overcome evil with good.

That's a tall order and one I cannot live up to in my own strength. And to clarify, Christianity does not teach that we earn favor with God by being good rule-followers. It teaches that Jesus did everything perfectly for us and now enables us to walk like he walked. Faith first, then works.

I'm asking myself this morning, Do I look like this? Do I live this out? Am I living in a way that's noble, excellent, full of dignity and peace? I know I fall short every day. Boy do I ever. I'm aiming for this, though.

And as you're watching the news and listening to people who say they're fighting for the cause of good in the name of Christ, you can look for these things, too. If my life doesn't match my words, why would I expect you to believe anything I have to say? I couldn't.

Read Thy Labels

2011-04-11T15:18:00.000-05:00

Okay. I read labels on food products. I am by no means a strict health food mom, but little by little I'm making changes for my family. I know to avoid some things like corn syrup and trans fats, but there are plenty of ingredients that I don't even recognize. How do we know which ones are safe and which ones aren't?

In an ideal world, I'd only buy whole foods, but I'm not there yet. In the meantime, I've discovered a list that tells us which ingredients are safe and which ones we should avoid: The Center for Science in the Public Interest. Check it out. You might be surprised at what you find.

Jennifer Makes a Comeback

2011-04-09T09:39:00.002-05:00

I've often thought that "Jennifer," the most popular girl's name in 1973, would go the way of "Bertha," "Hazel," and "Eunice." Last week, however, our friends Ben and Julie gave me a glimmer of hope when they named their sweet new baby "Jennifer." I'm hoping the name makes a comeback. It could happen.

The Frist is Free!

2011-04-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

Free admission at the Frist Center tomorrow and Saturday! I love the Frist Center.

Thanks to Gigi for sharing the good news.

How to Teach Poetry to Children

2011-04-05T07:14:00.004-05:00

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month?

Read about how we learn poetry in our home at this morning's post in Nashville Parent.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Your Kids May Be Part of a Revolution

2011-04-04T06:08:00.001-05:00

I'm not talking about a political revolution, though there are plenty in the news. I'm talking about an educational one. My friend Anne passed an interesting article along, so of course, I wanted to share it with you.

The author says, "Baby boomers changed politics, Gen X changed family, Gen Y changed work, and Gen Z will change education."

Intrigued? Read more here.

At Least It Feels Like Spring Inside

2011-04-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

Math Lesson or Life Lesson?

2011-03-30T05:48:00.000-05:00

One of our boys struggles with math and comes by it naturally. I remember doing math homework at his age and thinking, Well clearly, this problem has no solution. There must be a misprint in this book. I marveled at the number of misprints in my math book.

I get not loving math. I do. And now I've come to secretly dread math lessons with this one because we always seem to end up in a tizzy before it's over. Today was par for the course. We were talking through the last lesson--okay, I was talking to him about the last lesson--going over the ones he had missed. Mind you, I always stop and cheer at the ones he gets right. He gets plenty right. Still, I could see the shutting down. The glazing over. The checking out.

Usually, this is where my feathers start standing on end and I launch into my how-do-you-expect-to-learn-if-we-don't-go-over-the-ones-you-don't-understand speech. It's a winner. I should post it sometime so you can use it, too. Very effective.

This time, however, I had what I can only describe as a divine reaction. I took a deep breath. I looked at my child, the child who wants nothing more in this world than to please me. I didn't lecture. I just asked what was wrong. (And not the snippy rhetorical version.)

Then this sweet boy said the most honest thing.

He said, "It hurts."
"What hurts?"
"It hurts my heart."

Whoa. Okay. I'm listening.

"What hurts your heart?"
"To say my mistakes out loud."
Hmm.
"Why? Did you expect your work to be perfect?"
Nod.
Tears.
"Baby, we all make mistakes. That's one of the very best ways we learn--from our mistakes."

So we had the most amazing discussion about how we don't gain our worth from our performance. And then the discussion got world-view-specific. I was able to tell my precious people-pleasing-performance-driven-like-his-mama little boy something my own heart needed to hear.

I was able to remind him that we don't have to be perfect, because Christ was perfect for us. When God looks at us, He sees the righteousness of Jesus, not our mistakes. So we're free in him. We're free to fail and move on. We're free to stop pretending. We're free to be honest. We're free to let our guard down. We're free to go for whatever is in front of us with great courage and to fall flat on our faces if need be. We're deeply, deeply loved, and we're free.

After our little talk my tender-hearted boy sighed and said, "I feel a lot better now, Mama."

"So do I, Sweetheart," I answered. "So do I."

Trip to NC

2011-03-29T06:49:00.000-05:00

We had a great trip to North Carolina last week, and I think it was polite of UNC to stay in the tournament until I got back to Nashville. Now we're back in full swing with school, so it's been tough to find time to post. Until my deep thoughts make their way to the blog, here are some photos from our trip home.

Dad and the boys on the front porch of the house I called home.

Mom, Dad, and me.

Eating at Vic's in downtown Raleigh

Playing at the Marbles museum for kids

Smoochy face. And it only took 48 photos to get him to look at the camera. That's progress.

Not sure what J's doing with his hand, but the boys are obviously very cool.

Show me the money, baby.

A surprisingly ominous photo of us near the Raleigh acorn.

Remind me to stand like that in every photo. So flattering.

On my way out to dinner with my bro bro Scott.

Here's my beautiful niece Heather, my lovely sister Terri, and my own self.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Girly Mama With Three Boys?

2011-03-21T06:59:00.000-05:00

C.S. Lewis on Experience

2011-03-20T09:08:00.000-05:00

"What I like about experience is that it is such an honest thing ... You may have deceived yourself, but experience is not trying to deceive you. The universe rings true wherever you fairly test it." C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy

Changing Education Paradigms

2011-03-20T07:41:00.002-05:00

This is a fascinating video for those of you interested in education. Let me say that I do believe ADHD is a real medical issue and needs real medical treatment. Have a look at the video and see what you think about that and the other issues addressed. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Help Japan

2011-03-19T14:18:00.000-05:00

My friend Nabuko recommends this site for donating time or money to the relief effort in Japan. If you're interested in helping, this is the site our family will be using: CRASHJapan.

A Breakfast Conversation with Jacob

2011-03-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

Me: I think I have a cavity. My tooth hurts.

Jacob: Well, we need to pray about that.

Me: You're right.

Jacob: And take good care of it. And brush your tooth a lot.

Me: Yes.

Jacob: And eat helfy.

Me: Yes. And eat healthy.

Pretty good advice for a five-year-old.

What Happened to My Blog Background?

2011-03-16T07:41:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm. This is weird.

Where Is My Hope?

2011-03-15T07:17:00.000-05:00

"For Christians do not place their hope in their children, but rather their children are a sign of their hope ... that God has not abandoned this world." --Stanley Hauerwas

My hope cannot be in my children; they can't bear the weight of a burden like that. My hope must be in the God who entrusted these children to me. A mother's love, one of the most beautiful and sacred loves in the world, quickly becomes a grotesque and twisted thing when she places her joy and purpose and hope on the backs of her children. I'm prone to do this and must guard against it daily.

May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:22

Diffuse Tension with Five Little Words

2011-03-14T17:53:00.000-05:00

"How can I help you?"

I've just discovered this little jewel. When the kids whine or melt down, I tend to tell them what they should do to fix the problem. Much to my bewilderment, it never seems to help. If only they would do what I say the very minute I say it and do it cheerfully, all would be right with the world. Right?

"How can I help you?" works so much better. It helps put my attitude in the right place. It helps the child feel like he has an ally. "How can I help you?" It's a jewel, I tell you.

Cutting Back on TV Will Make Your Kids Smarter

2011-03-10T22:19:00.002-06:00

See? And it's practically a commercial for the superiority of homeschooling.

A New Era of Laundry

2011-03-10T07:06:00.000-06:00

You served us well, old friends. We won't forget our 12 years together.

I have no idea why the boys all gathered around the new machines, but here they sit.

We call it Space Laundry.

To Test or Not to Test

2011-03-09T08:34:00.000-06:00

I'll be the first one to admit I don't like testing, but this article from the New York Times says testing may be better than studying when it comes to retaining information. Hmmm. I'll be checking this out for myself. I'll let you know what I find.

(Thank you Leanne for yet another wonderful resource!)

The Worst Reason to Homeschool

2011-03-08T07:25:00.000-06:00

I am weighing the pros and cons of homeschooling right now. I did the same thing last year at this time. This morning's Simple Homeschool post resonated with me. Maybe you'll find it helpful, too.

How Much Homework is Too Much?

2011-03-03T22:02:00.000-06:00

I find Katie Couric's video interview with Vicki Abeles, director of documentary Race to Nowhere, intriguing. It addresses the question "How much homework is too much?" Do you think kids have too much homework these days? Not enough? Talk to me.

My Life in Flashcards

2011-03-01T08:26:00.001-06:00

These last two months have been hard months. We've been dealing with over-scheduling, sickness, stress, cabin fever, you name it. I can tell you, though, the low place is a good place.

You see, I am stubborn and impatient, and I value order and efficiency way too much. It's such a poetic truth that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses. What worked so well for me in the job force often works against me in the home. So I've been growing and stretching during this new year.
I don't like stretching. I like watching the Oscars under a blanket. On Tivo. So I can skip over the boring parts. Impatient. Efficient.

I think the natural impulse is to try to fix what's broken. We want out of tight spots. But what I've been realizing in the past week is that this tight spot has actually been an answer to my prayers. Not a problem. An answer.

Anne Lamott says God loves us just where we are and loves us too much to leave us there. True, true, true. I feel like I've been living the dreaded math drill. You know, the drill your kid hates the most because it's the hardest one, because he doesn't do it so well? The drill he has to keep repeating until he really gets it? The drill that makes him moan and roll his eyes the moment he realizes he's going to have to do it again?

Welcome to my 2011. But I'll eventually get this lesson. I look back and see there have been many lessons before this one that I no longer have to repeat. I have a very wise and patient teacher. Maybe I'll be one of those someday.

Last Man Standing

2011-02-28T07:21:00.000-06:00

So we all have strep throat except Jacob D. I thought we all just had colds we couldn't shake. At least we have antibiotics and should actually be getting better now. No wonder I've been so exhausted for the last two weeks ...

Interested in a CSA?

2011-02-24T16:36:00.000-06:00

I think we're going to participate in a CSA this year. You can find out about our local CSA's by clicking here. If you've been happy with a local farm that you've supported, please leave a comment and let me know which one!

Save Great Teachers

2011-02-22T19:37:00.000-06:00

When God Seems Silent

2011-02-21T07:17:00.000-06:00

"When God seems silent and our prayers go unanswered, the overwhelming temptation is to leave the story--to walk out of the desert and attempt to create a normal life. But when we persist in a spiritual vacuum, when we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God. In fact, that is how intimacy grows in all close relationships" (Paul Miller, A Praying Life, p. 192).

Joshua's Thoughts on Tiger Mom Parenting

2011-02-20T15:05:00.000-06:00

I heard Joshua agonizing over his writing assignment on Thursday morning, so I told him to put down his pencil and take a break in the grandma room.

When I finished up with Sam's math lesson, I went to check on Joshua and found him reading Time magazine. Yeah, I was a little bit proud.

He was reading the article about Tiger Moms, so I thought I'd get his opinion on it. Here's what he had to say:

Please Pass the Kleenex

2011-02-19T07:22:00.000-06:00

Mouth-breathing. It's my very favorite part of having a cold.

Diamonds Aren't a Girl's Best Friend

2011-02-18T06:51:00.002-06:00

This is a belated Valentine's Day post. I couldn't let the week go by without a tribute to my husband. Here's a little story that shows one of the things I love most about him.

When Daniel and I were dating during his second year of law school, we talked about marriage. We knew this was it. I kept waiting for him to suggest we go look at rings, after all, that's what you do in that stage of a relationship, right? Didn't he want to know what I thought and which rings I liked? (No, he did not.)

I kept wondering how and when he was going to pop the question if we hadn't even looked at rings. (Thankfully, I had the sense not to say this out loud.) In his own good time, on August 2nd, 1997, he whisked me away and proposed at the Carolina Coffee Shop where we had our first date in 1993. He had the ring. It was a lovely, traditional, round cut diamond. I'm looking at it right now. He had managed just fine without my input.

Later he gave me the paperwork for the ring, proudly explaining the diagram and the quality of the stone. He had chosen the most perfect diamond he could afford. When I saw how much money he'd spent on that stone, when I realized how many summer paychecks he had set aside for it, it was clear he could've gotten a bigger diamond with more flaws. You can't see those flaws with the naked eye, anyway.

Here's the point. Daniel cares more about how things really are than how they appear; that's why he chose the stone he did.

This is true of him across the board. He's real. What he says, he does. When he gives you his word, it counts. He doesn't really care about what people think of him; he cares about doing what's right. He cares about what God thinks of him; he does care about that. And he cares what I think. He's a better husband today than he was when we married over 12 years ago. He helps me more now than he did then. He loves me better now than he did then. He's a better father now than he was 10 years ago (and he was pretty good at all of those things from the start).

And the fact that he cares about the right things is one of the many reasons he will always be my Valentine and why my heart will always belong to him. Happy Valentine's Day, Bean.

Break Up

2011-02-17T06:29:00.001-06:00

Well that break didn't last long.

I'm trying to cut back all the non-essentials in my life, because I've clearly scheduled myself into oblivion over here. That happens mostly because I have three children, and busy executives that they are, they have things to do and places to go. I'm struggling to fit everything in--everything like math. You know, the minor details.

I've been anxious and on-edge and really longing to just crawl into bed never to return. That's not the mental house I want to live in, so I'm cutting back. I actually had lab work done, really hoping a new thyroid prescription would do the trick. No go. The results of all tests came back normal. Ah. That means the problem is my life, not my medication. Alrighty, then. Well, let's lean into the truth here.

Nevertheless, my next post needs to be written, so I'm sitting here writing this morning. Today writing is an essential.

Blogging Break

2011-02-14T16:40:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. I'm in need of a break, so I won't be posting for a while. I hope to be back soon.

Ray Ortlund on Why We Come to Church

2011-02-13T07:03:00.000-06:00

"God is able to turn us in new ways, to restore us, to give again what we have lost--what we have squandered. We need in our lives what only God can do. That's why we come to church."
--Ray Ortlund, Lead Pastor of Immanuel Church

Church is not for strong people. It's not for people who have life figured out. It's not for morally upright people. Church is for weak people. It's for people whose lives are black holes of endless need. It's for people who yell at their kids. It's for people who are addicted to the very things that destroy them. It's for anxious people who don't know what to do. Church is for me.

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:12-14

And the Winner Is ...

2011-02-11T09:07:00.000-06:00

This morning before dashing off to school, Sam selected our giveaway winner! And the winner is "nickinest." Thanks to everyone who participated in the contest by leaving comments and signing up to follow Surprising Joy. It was a treat to "meet" many of you for the first time. Thank you!